Ever get that feeling like you can’t push anymore... that you’ve hit a wall and no matter how hard you push, you and your bones are exhausted... well that’s how I feel. Sometimes I take on to much and I over work myself. I try to make everyone happy, to take all the jobs that come my way so I can say I did it, that I take it on and conquer everything... Truth is, I’m human, I get tired, I have feelings, I am not always smiles and rarely perfect, but I try.
For the last month I have barely gotten a full nights sleep, in fact most nights I get naps, usually in incrivals of 4 hours. I honestly like working and keeping busy, I don’t know what I would do if I didn’t, which is why I create projects on my own time... partially because I want to keep my creative flow but also because sitting still drives me up a wall. I think my mind moves so fast and with the invention of internet featuring facebook, twitter and pinterest I can’t stop thinking I need to be connected (making not having a smart phone a double edge sword). But also, I am a creature of social, I need to have as much human interaction and fun as I do work, which is why I’m running short and feeling like the wall in front of me is getting harder to push through.
Today was hard on me... it started off amazing, I grabbed brunch with K-Rex but after that I had one of those down hill days. I understand everyone gets criticized and I love to be critiqued on my work... I want to be better and to work harder, hearing the truth, good or harsh breaks you down and builds you up. But I do hate being personally criticized based on my character specially when I didn’t see anything wrong or the fact that I was being fare and for it to be on a social media site... really?! Don’t judge my character or my actions when I one, helped you out and cut you a deal and have done nothing but support our community and the people in it. I constantly bend over backwards and I feel like because I take photos as a job and it’s so “easy” that I’m expected to give people a break... guess what... I went to college... I spent 250,000 dollars on my education, I’ve worked for corporate, I’ve had my designs displayed in Taiwan, Korea, Hawaii, Colorado, California, Florida, Virginia and Georgia. I’ve been up for a Scaddy and an Addy Awards. I make art, I create awesome and I hate that the majority of society thinks they can have me at a discount... I mean, I don’t come to your job and say hey I’m in a bind, can I get stuff for free or at a discount. Honestly, I love what I do, I love taking photos and seeing people get excited just as I do when the photos come out, but I hate being the F word... that’s right Free and Fucked over. I do wear my heart on my sleeve and I do get taken advantage of which is why when I do stand up for myself and someone get’s their panties in a wad I question everything. I just have to remember I am worth it and that when people see my worth and express it, I can fully give them what they are worth. So thank you to the people who see the big picture.
Yes, life is hard and unfair at times and we all have bad days where we question everything, but we all must look at the good and try to find the sledgehammer that can break through even the toughest walls that are set before us. For I do not want to view the world with a sour taste. And as Jay-Z says “On to the next one” for I see the hope in tomorrow being better.
Today:
Song: Radiohead - Talk Show Host
Quote of the day: “So, this is my life. And I want you to know that I am both happy and sad and I'm still trying to figure out how that could be.” - The Perks of Being A Wallflower
Fav food consumed today: Rise n’ Dine - AM.Tacos and B-fast Sammie
Craving: PB & Banana Vanilla Grilled Sandwich w/ Ice Cream
Drinking: Diet Coke
Random fact: When I’ve done something for someone and the look of appreciation shows in their eyes and their smile, there is no greater feeling.
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