The 13th there is so much behind this number which is why I chose to do a self portrait or so called. A photo of a photo. Ever since I was a kid I loved photos, I got my first camera when I was 5 and my mom had to sit down and tell me “As much as we love the cats you cannot just take pictures of them and then get doubles made.” I got my polaroid camera when I was in middle school, I can’t remember if I got it as a birthday present or if I saved up and got it. All I know is when I did I loved it, one because it was green and two because I thought it made me cool. I would go through maybe 10 packs of film a year and took advantage of the instant process. In 2008 I heard polaroid was going to stop making their film...I freaked out and made a trip to Walmart I ended up buying just over $40 worth of film (4 boxes at the time, now valued at $50 a box) I went through 2 boxes real quick, thinking I could still find film somewhere and when I couldn’t, I told myself I could only use the remaining film for something special. Since 2008 I’ve moved about 8 to 9 times, lived in crazy situations yet I have always carried the film with me finding a fridge or cool dry place to leave it and I hate to admit but at one point I almost abandoned the film... but then thought to myself “don’t be stupid you’ve been holding onto this for so long and for a reason.” I’m glad I grabbed it.
In life all I want is happy... to be inspired, to be motivated, to be moved, to be enthralled with the world around me. I have spent a lot of my life trying to make others happy, to make others proud of me or the simple fact of I wanted them to like me so, do anything to make that happen. In doing so, I have made everyday fairytales happen, in fact on multiple occasions I have been referred to as the real Peter Pan. For, I wear rose colored glasses, my heart on my sleeve and have adventures at my feet yet in the end have been the one left standing alone looking back towards the real world. Which is why after the last time I put myself out there and got crushed like biscuit crumbs I said, I’m doing me.
For about a month in a half, I’ve put myself first, doing what I what, when I want, with who I want. Strangely I get nervous if I don’t reach out and spend time with my friends or the people that want to spend time with me but I also like liking myself and doing what feels right to me. I like meeting people and being in the moment and if you happen to be there then you are part of my day, part of my real life fairytale and in those moments of doing me, I will do whatever it is to make everything around me feel the same majestic feeling I do.
So, how does this tie together... well, in doing me and not looking for someone or something I’ve been graced by many but one in particular has been in the back of my mind, making me smile, making me happy. In the photo you will notice a note, I wrote it on the polaroid card that holds the films darkness, it reads “Today I took a photo... I’ve been holding onto the film for 5 years. I wanted to save it for something special... guess I found something. Thanks 4 making me smile.” So not only was this photo for this project because I find it to be special but I also find her to be. Who knows what’s to come or how the cards will play out. All I know is, is I want to surround myself w/ happy positive people who love life while appreciating me and for them, I will be constant I will be their Peter Pan and one day if they choose they can fly away w/ me to my Never NeverLand.
Today:
Song: Chairlift - Bruises
Quote of the day: “Creative minds are rarely tidy”
Fav food consumed today: Dave’s Famous Bleu - the Onion + Bacon and Provolone
Craving: Chocolate Milk
Drinking: Vodka & Cranberry
Random fact: My first film camera was a neon yellow ninja turtle whined and snap that I got at my 5th birthday party at Peter Piper Pizza.
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